Finding Strength in Weakness

I have been personally struggling with my health for about a year and feel it is now time to share with you all so you can be praying for me.

The main concern lately is that I have some swelling in my small intestine and to smaller extent in my large intestine causing gastrointestinal issues.  Although this is the main concern, I have had some other unexplained symptoms including, rashes, dry eyes, insomnia, light-headedness, among other things.

Two weeks ago I woke up early on a Sunday morning with severe abdominal pain and became dehydrated so quickly (within 4 hours) from the constant sickness I went to the ER.  My blood pressure was dangerously low and I began to break out in hives all over my body so they admitted me to the hospital for the next two days.

At first they were suggesting a serious infection diagnoses and treating me for sepsis, which thankfully I don't have!  After my 2-day stay at the hospital, lots of tests, and two more episodes after I was discharged, we are now trying to figure out what is causing the intestinal swelling.  This journey has been frustrating, confusing, and discouraging, but I also have been clinging to the Lord more than ever before in my life.  He is teaching me so much about suffering and the intimacy that can be found with Him when we are willing to press into the struggle and cry out to Him.

When New Hope Uganda Ministries began with the Adizes process a few years ago, we did some management style/personality testing and I was primarily a "producer" and secondarily an "entrepreneur". Basically, I love to cross things off my lists and get things done!  I also love to brainstorm and dream about the future.  The downside is that I often find my identity in what I can accomplish and cling too tightly to the future I have envisioned.

With all these health struggles I have been limited in how much I can do.  I love to keep busy, help others, get out and do things.  But, in this season, I have been forced to slow down, do less, and be still.  I have also had to face disappointment.  I never envisioned myself to be ill in my 20's.  But, here I am forced to slow down and say no to things I want to do.

"Be still and know that I am God" -Psalm 46:10.  

A friend made us painting with this verse that hangs right outside my office. 

When I am still, really hard questions flood my mind.  Obedience to be still sometimes requires a lot of bravery. I am forced to press into fears and doubts, but it is also where I find I need my Father all the more because this I know for sure; I am weak and He is strong.  I can't be brave to face the struggles without the hope I find in Christ.  This is my strength.

Another lesson learned in this journey is the depths of God's grace.  I often have really high and unrealistic expectations for myself and then when I don't live up to them, I beat myself up, self-shaming, forgetting the price Jesus paid for His perfect and everlasting grace to cover me.

I think Paul can relate in 2 Corinthians Chapter 12 when he pleads for God to remove the "thorn in his flesh".  (Most scholars believe the thorn was most likely a physical suffering in Paul's life.)  This is the Lord's response to his pleas:

"He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I need the truth of both God's strength and grace more than ever before.  I need it so that I can boast in my weakness, have the courage to face my struggles, and be still before Him.  It can be so easy to get tied up in the "what-if's", my futile attempts to solve things out of my control, and my self condemnation, that I forget about who my Father is in heaven.

God is with me and I can see his hand in little reminders amidst the suffering.  At my follow-up

appointment, my doctor (who is a Christian), embraced me, let me know she is praying for me, and looked into my eyes.  She said, "Going through things like this really makes us long for heaven doesn't it?".  Yes, it does!  I am so thankful for the life God has given me, but going through things like this do make me long for Him so much more.  It makes me long for when he will make "all thing new" (Revelations 21:5).

Another little reminder, Soren parted with his beloved puppy to help me feel better in the hospital.  -->

"Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory.  Whom have I in heaven but you?  And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.  My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." - Psalm 73:23-26

Through my suffering I can see how God is using it to draw me into a deeper relationship and dependence on Him.  It is hard to have some "heart surgery", but the long-term benefits will be worth it.  God is challenging me to new depths of vulnerability with Him who is my portion, He is all I need.  I am taking things day by day and some days are really hard.  I'm not perfect and I don't always run to Him immediately, but He is patiently teaching me to do so more and more.

New Hope Uganda News

My Role

As 2019 begins, I am enjoying a singular focus in my job description.  My focus now is U.S. sponsorship.  This encompasses sponsor relations and promotion of our sponsorship program in Uganda in the U.S.  I still help with some occasional IT needs, but other than that, I get to focus 90% of my time and energy into one thing!

Sponsorship Changes

New Hope Uganda will be transitioning over the next couple years from individual child sponsorship to family sponsorship.  We decided to move in this direction for a couple reasons.  Family sponsorship reflects our ministry model more accurately.  We are all about supporting families as a whole by both coming alongside at risk families in the community and also placing children in onsite forever families onsite when needed.  The new sponsorship model will be focused on building a relationship with the family as a whole.  I will share more as this new model develops.  For now, individual child sponsorship is still available and I would encourage you all to consider partnering in this way!  http://newhopeuganda.org/sponsorship/child/

One of our onsite family groups that grows and sells mangos to earn income.  They supported the local economy by using the proceeds to purchase local fabric and made new clothing for the children.

Video Projects

My brother and his friend Alexander are traveling to Uganda to film about a dozen videos for the ministry.  We will be producing videos focusing on individual ministries, missionaries, transformation stories, our new sponsorship model, and also updating our general ministry video.  I am so excited to see how these videos turn out and how God will use them to share our story with more people!

Current Prayer Requests

• Bravery to be vulnerable with the Lord amidst suffering.
• Peace and the ability to rest in who God is and who I am in Christ.
• For answers to come from my future test results and appointment with the GI specialist on March 25th. 
• Physical healing.
• For my brother's trip to Uganda, for good health, safety, and that the filming would go smoothly.
• For the sponsorship changes to go smoothly, a positive reception in the U.S., and for continued unity through the transition.
• For the children we serve in Uganda, for healing and transformation to take place in their lives through knowing their Heavenly Father.